This post will be kind of emo and whiney, please feel free to ignore it.
Today was a shitty day all around. Rough day at work, very stressful, with some just awful news. My silver lining to the day was the fact that I was supposed to have a Sir come spend the night, but due to circumstances outside both of our control, he had to cancel. I wasn't pissed at him, but I was kind of pissed, just at the world at this point (super dumb, I know).
I was really excited for him to come because since I have been locked, I have been dying for some kind of action, and with this Sir, I was finally going to be able to get some.
Of course, that didn't happen. But, something good did come out of this, I learned something about myself.
First of all, let me clarify, that while someone else is holding my key, the key is still in my possession. I keep it in a frozen bottle of water in my freezer. My key holder lives in Chicago, and I live in Iowa. While they are not super far apart, I don't feel comfortable not having access to the key in an emergency. So, in theory, I could melt the bottle at any point and unlock myself.
But tonight, I didn't.
I was tempted...very much so. I was angry and frustrated, and normally, in that situation, I would jerk off until I couldn't any longer. But I knew that if I did that, I would be disappointing my key holder, the Sir who ended up having to cancel on me, those of you reading this (I hope...) and myself.
As much as this chastity is about submitting to a Dom, it is also about me learning about myself. And today I feel like I learned that I really can put my pleasure at the back of my mind, in order to want to please a Sir or a Dom. I always thought "oh yeah, I could definitely do it," but to actually have it happen, that's something different.
That's all for tonight I guess.
Thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment